See
“For this people’s heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise, they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.”
- Matthew
If you ask me how I am doing, I will say, “Great!” That is true in pretty much every area, most of the time. But I would be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that my fuse is a little shorter and my trigger finger a little tighter. Trying to manage these crazy times and the sometimes even crazier reactions of others does take its toll.
Old Paul talks about being hard-pressed on every side. I certainly am feeling that. One of the areas where my patience tends to run most thin is with my teenagers. After all the Zoom calls have stopped and I’ve pulled my mask from my face for the last time that day, I just want a little peace. Or at least some quiet.
The girls were having a loud disagreement in the other room and I did what I have done far too often recently. I yelled at them to both come see me. The normal flow of things is for me to express how frustrated I am, ask them to talk to each other more respectfully, and usually take away their phones.
But I am praying for patience. I am trying to offer the heart of the Father to them.
They round the corner bracing for impact, but something happened. It was like I was seeing them for the first time. I was overwhelmed with their beauty, the kindness of both of them, and all the good they are capable of and operate in most often. I was experiencing their glory instead of focusing on how they were operating outside of that glory.
It was like the blurry and obscured came into clear focus.
I got pretty emotional as I told them how much I loved them. As I described their beauty, what was so glorious about them, and reminded them of how painful it was for me to hear something unkind said between two women I loved so deeply. In that rare moment, I was no longer the father I am at my worst, but offering the Father.
His heart.
His lovingkindness.
His mercy.
His grace.
Something shifted in that moment. I am increasingly seeing them with those eyes. And they seem to be doing much better with one another. In a sort of chicken-or-egg, I am assuming the best in them and calling it out and they are acting more graciously to one another. Or maybe it is the other way around.
But something has definitely shifted.
There is an ascending grace being offered by both of us toward one another that is finding purchase in a better version of all of us.
And I am making baby steps in that direction in other areas as well. I want to see the crazy driver, the difficult attendant, the rioter, and the racist, with God’s eyes. I want to move toward them in a way that continues to change me and gives them room to change as well. I want to engage them in conversation and not just declare judgment or take everything as a personal affront.
Consider
How tightly wound are you right now? How itchy is your trigger finger?
Are you having a hard time finding the best in others?
What is it costing them?
What is it costing you?