Channels

Clear Channel -

noun, Radio.

1.  a radio broadcast channel cleared for long-distance broadcasting during nighttime hours.

2.  a broadcast channel free of undesirable interference.

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When my bride goes out of town every summer to “hold babies” for young teen moms attending YoungLives camp, I host DadCamp.  It is way less structured or probably less fun than you might be imagining, but I do try to plan some fun things for us to do.

This year we went to a really nice drive-in movie theatre in New Braunfels, TX.  Three screens each offering a double feature, 365 days of the year.  Not as good an idea in the Summer due to the heat, long days, and really late starting time for a double feature, but pretty fun nonetheless.

It had been quite a while since I had seen a drive-in movie.  Things have really changed.  Most notably in terms of sound and picture quality.  The sound is actually channeled through dedicated FM stations, so the quality was equal to the sound system in my Jeep.

I guess that shouldn’t have surprised me, but I was half expecting the static confusion of the ordering system in a drive-through fast food line to be our sound for the evening.  Great sound through a clear FM channel really changed the experience of the movie.

I was thinking about that experience when a client and I were remarking about all the powerful things that happened out of our last one-on-one meeting.  The idea that came to me as we discussed was one of clear channels.

It is always powerful to sit down with someone who...

• Knows you
• Cares for you
• Wants the best for you
• You trust
• Will say the difficult things to you that no one else will say
• Will keep you accountable

...But when the channels are open, reception gets taken to a whole other level.

When they are open and ready to receive from God.  When you are setting aside your own agenda and motive to do the same.  When both of you are sitting in a posture of humility, open to what the Father might be offering and inspiring in that conversation, it is truly magical.

Conversations go deeper, further, and faster.  They elevate to all kinds of glorious places.  The Father’s heart, intentions, clarity, and truth, overwhelm anything else on our agenda.  Clarity abounds.  Ground gets taken.  New inspiration in found in abundance.

It is really, really good.

I am learning that clear channels are best found when I can get myself out of the way.  Posture my heart to receive and then just go wherever we are led.  Increasingly, the people I meet with on a regular basis are learning to do the same.

This is not something that happens with me naturally, I actually go through a similar process before every one-on-one conversation to prepare.  Let me know if you are interested.  I would love to share that with you.

• Do you regularly meet with a friend, mentor or coach?
• Are you getting overwhelmed by what is happening in those meetings?
• Do you need to change the way you are preparing to meet or maybe the person you are meeting with?  (the right conversation, with the right person, with the preparation, will change your life)

Creator

“(They) had never seen such a sun…You could imagine that it laughed for joy as it came up. And as its beams shot across the land the travelers could see for the first time what sort of place they were in. It was a valley through which a broad, swift river wound its way, flowing eastward towards the sun. Southward there were mountains, northward there were lower hills…The earth was of many colours: they were fresh, hot and vivid. They made you feel excited; until you saw the Singer himself, and then you forgot everything else.”

- C.S. Lewis from The Magician’s Nephew

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The kids from the Chronicles of Narnia are seeing something that most of us have only experienced in the opening pages of Genesis or on felt boards in old Sunday school classes.  They are witnessing Aslan (the Singer) creating the heavens and the earth.

They have been captivated by choruses of voices with stars and constellations exploding into the sky.  The reality that the world was being formed around them, but in the darkness of night.  Then, the sun rises and they are getting a look at creation for the first time.  It is breathtaking and overwhelming, until…

…they get a look at the Creator.

Because once you get a good look. An uninhibited and unjaundiced look. One without prejudice or influence from everything that has been attached to Him that shouldn’t have been.  Once you see Him for who He really is, how could you refuse him?  Julie Miller penned these classic lyrics in an old Christian song…

“If Christ himself were standing here

Face full of glory and eyes full of tears

And he held out his arms and his nail printed hands

Is there any way you could say no to this man?”

John Muir got it really right.  While he felt the same sense of awe and overwhelm that many worshippers of nature do when he entered Yosemite Valley, he knew that the real glory was in the Creator. 

If the creation doesn’t reflect back on the source you are really missing the point.

I have often felt that surfers get it all right and all wrong at the same time.  They experience the power and sense of unity as they cooperate with creation in every wave they ride.  They talk about it in the most reverent and spiritual of tones.  But if the ultimate “stoke” isn’t found in the One who ultimately generated the waves they enjoy, they’ve completely missed the point.

As generative governors (life giving leaders), we pray that the generosity you offer and the life you bring, doesn’t only acknowledge Him, but is wholly evocative of that source.  We pray that when they see you and the things you do, they are really experiencing and catching a glimpse of Him.

• When is the last time you were overwhelmed by the majesty of His creation?
• Was that beauty in and of itself or did it immediately draw you to Him?
• How are you connecting and bringing the glory of the Creator and His creation to those you love and lead?

Destined

“You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you’re also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance.”  

- Paul, to the church in Galatia

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Let’s face it.  Television is a minefield.  We are constantly searching for appropriate things to watch with our children that might stir the right things and prompt relevant conversations.  This last weekend, we watched the first part of a four part series on Netflix called Daughter’s of Destiny.

IMDB explains the show this way:

In 1996, Dr. Abraham George, an American businessman, born in India, was determined to change the rampant poverty in his home country. Nearly 20 years later, The Shanti Bhavan Children's Project has produced a generation of engineers, lawyers, scientists and journalists. "Daughters of Destiny" follows a unique group of Shanti Bhavan kids, born into the most discriminated against and impoverished families on earth, as they grow up. "Daughters of Destiny" is an exploration of their lives, of global poverty and opportunity, and the human longing for purpose and meaning.

An American businessman sets himself a target of 50 as the age he will finally devote his life to doing what he was created to do.  He aggressively grows his business, sells it to a Fortune 500 company, assembles everyone in his sphere of influence to raise more money, and then applies every dollar of it to help the “poorest of the poor."

When Dr. George looks into these children’s faces, he doesn’t see poverty, he sees possibility.  He sees the hope of the world.  He takes the children whose caste has made then “untouchable," without much hope other than a life of poverty, slavery, and survival, and grooms them to be ambassadors of restoration for their families and communities.

His son, who helps run the school says that a "good education" is not their destination.  He says that if the result of Shanti Bhaven does not result in the child, his extended family, and community being rescued from the poverty they live in, they have failed.

They are not raising a community of children with the goal of finding a better life for themselves, but an army of freedom fighters trained to change the world around them.  

One young girl wrote her first poem dedicated to her mother: 

“I am the answer for my mother’s pain

I am why I am, because of her

I will show the world that I am that girl

who makes doorways of freedom, hope, and relief

Not only for my mother,

but for all of those out there who are in need.

…

One day I will wipe away the waterfall of hopelessness and replace it with a river of hope and salvation.
”

— Preetha’s Poem

All of us.  

Everyone we know.  

All the people who have been placed in our care as leaders.

Are destined for adoption into God’s family.

We are intended to be the daughters and sons of a King.

We are intended to reflect the Creator’s glory and be His hands and feet to a broken and abandoned world.

This is His plan “A” and there is no plan “B”.  

Dr. George doesn’t want to merely make a difference, he wants to apply all his resources, influence, and ability, as a multiplier effect to change the world.  He is using his business acumen and problem solving ability to change the outcome that God placed in front of him and put specifically on his heart to solve.

• What is your heart burdened with?
• What great cause or injustice seems to stay with you?
• How might God use your ability, resources, and influence to address that problem?
• Are you merely solving problems or raising those under your leadership as a multiplier for change?

Tent

“Moses used to take the Tent and set it up outside the camp, some distance away. He called it the Tent of Meeting.

Anyone who sought God would go to the Tent of Meeting outside the camp. It went like this: When Moses would go to the Tent, all the people would stand at attention; each man would take his position at the entrance to his tent with his eyes on Moses until he entered the Tent; whenever Moses entered the Tent, the Pillar of Cloud descended to the entrance to the Tent and God spoke with Moses. 

All the people would see the Pillar of Cloud at the entrance to the Tent, stand at attention, and then bow down in worship, each man at the entrance to his tent.

And God spoke with Moses face-to-face, as neighbors speak to one another.” 

- The Exodus

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There are places that feel holy because of their breathtaking beauty or their immensity.  But there are others that are holy because we define them that way, set them aside, and honor them as a place where we encounter God.  

In the Exodus, they tell about Moses and his “tent of meeting".

As a leader of his people, Moses was seeking time alone with God to receive his counsel and his direction.  He did it in a very formal and visible way.  Everyone knew why he was going into that tent and who he would be encountering there.  Because he was communing with God on behalf of his people, there was a power and authority to that time in the tent.

This was a defined holy time in a holy place.

 

It was set apart from normal day to day activity.  There was a reverence by everyone else in regard to his time as a leader, in that Tent of Meeting.  And they not only stood at attention, they stood at the ready.  They were guarding, protecting, and honoring his time there.

Time “away” and time “with” are essential for all of us.  In this blog, we regularly encourage you to set aside your own tent of meetings. 

We’ve encouraged you to…

• ...establish an “ideal” week where all the necessities of your leadership are appropriated
• ...grow and protect your essential time away from work
• ...build a meeting structure with particular people, in a regular rhythm, and following a ritual for how you engage

The thing we have learned is that when you…

• ...honor these meetings on your work schedule
• ...honor the free, focus, and buffer time in your personal schedule
• ...guard them and give them your full attention

…everyone else will as well.  

But most importantly, if you make it the place where you encounter the goodness, intentions, and will of God; these blocked times in your schedule and the times you meet as a team become powerful and holy.

If your time alone and away produces clarity, confidence, and a way of operating/thinking that aligns with God (what is good and right), people will start to encourage and support you getting that time away.  If others in your organization start to see real and meaningful change come out of your leadership meetings, they will not be threatened, but encouraged by the gathering.

If we learn from Moses and his Tent of Meeting, we can bring a priority and power to quiet times, free days, leadership meetings, and focus times where we are not reachable by phone or e-mail.  The necessary ingredients of this powerful practice are…

1. Setting aside a special time
2. Going to a special designated place
3. Protecting and honoring that time
4. Inviting the presence of God there

Ironically, as the senior leaders or owners of your companies, you are the only ones with the real power to establish these practices and the only ones will the real power to shut them down.  Finding the Tents of Meeting in your life, may be the most powerful single thing you do as a leader.

CONSIDER

• Do you feel like you have established Tents of Meeting in your life?
• Do you have a daily protected time with God?  Do you get away to walk, hike, or just quietly spend time wrestling with him on the biggest challenges you are facing?  
• Do you regularly set aside time with your leadership team for regular meetings or quarterly/annual offsites?  Are you making similar room for you and your spouse to do the same?
• What needs to change in your ideal week (personal) or in the priority of meeting structure in your work? 

Journey

“Taking a trip for six months, you get in the rhythm of it. It feels like you can go on forever doing that. Climbing Everest is the ultimate and the opposite of that. Because you get these high-powered plastic surgeons and CEOs, and you know, they pay $80,000 and have Sherpas put the ladders in place and 8,000 feet of fixed ropes and you get to the camp and you don’t even have to lay out your sleeping bag. It’s already laid out with a chocolate mint on the top. The whole purpose of planning something like Everest is to effect some sort of spiritual and physical gain and if you compromise the process, you’re an @$$#*!& when you start out and you’re an @$$#*!& when you get back.”

- Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia

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Yvon is a little crusty around the edges.  He never set out to successfully lead a huge corporation, but that is precisely what he is doing.  His unconventional path to building a large business has provided him with some very unique perspectives.  To be completely candid, I disagree with many of the things he says, but I think he nails it when it comes his thoughts on it being about the journey and not the destination.

Oswald Chambers says something similar:

“What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself…It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.”

Is Chouinard referencing Oswald Chambers?  Probably not, but they seem to be in solid agreement.  It is more about the journey you take than the destination you find.  But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t diminish the value of goal setting, in fact, we spend a lot of time,

Crafting visions

Creating strategic plans

Setting goals

Defining action steps

Developing execution oriented meeting models

We need to thoughtfully and prayerfully plan for a different future.  But if we don’t stop and celebrate our successes along the way, we are going to miss the point and the glory of the journey as it was intended.  It would almost be like saying that the Christian life is a just a long, arduous struggle of a journey with the only celebration coming at the end in eternity.

Wait a minute! 

That is exactly what many of us have determined the Christian life to be.  Dallas Willard talks about the “gospel of sin management” in his epic treatise, A Divine Conspiracy.  He says we have reduced the glorious gospel message into a “life-long lesson in sin management” with a “get-out-of-hell free card” at the end.

No wonder we all have a hard time enjoying the journey.  

No wonder we can’t stop and smell the roses.

No wonder every day short of the destination feels like failure.

The reality is that the Kingdom of heaven is at hand.  There is beauty, glory, and things to be celebrated with every step of the journey.  The only requirement is that we have eyes to see.

My children are not who they are going to become.

My company is not where it is going to be.

I am not the man I want myself to be.

But my children are not who they used to be, my company has made tremendous progress, and so have I.  I am trying to walk with God more, enjoy the journey, and celebrate all the glory available along the way.  And I am working every day to help others find the same.

• How are things going for you?
• Are you making the progress you think you should be?
• Are you marking your steps, celebrating your successes, and experiencing the glory of the journey?
• If you aren't, how much is it costing those you lead?

Homer

“Jeremy is about to realize that the ball went 60 feet over the fence.  He hit a home run and he didn’t even realize it.”

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In the movie Moneyball, Billy Beane, general manager of the Oakland A’s is trying to field a competitive baseball team for 2002.  The problem is that he has a payroll of less than $40M when other teams, like their nemesis the NY Yankees, have a team payroll of over $125M.  

That feels familiar, right?  

Ever felt like you were competing against others with a much bigger checkbook?  I can point to numerous examples throughout my business career, but the most visceral is probably competing against all those rich boys in college…but that’s a story for another time.

Not only are teams like the Yankees operating with over three times the payroll, they keep buying up all the talented players that Beane uncovers and develops at prices that they can no longer match.  He considers his team to be “organ donors for the rich".

Billy hires an Ivy league educated numbers whiz named Peter Brand, and they find a way to win despite this disparity.  Looking beyond conventional baseball wisdom, they create the same productivity the wealthier teams are finding with their superstars, but in the aggregate with much cheaper players.  

In 2002, the Oakland A’s, operating under this numbers driven experiment, tie for the most wins (103) with, you guessed it, the NY Yankees.  During that incredible season they also set the American League record for consecutive wins with 20.  While they came one game short in the playoffs of making the World Series, it was a wildly successful season, by any measure.

But there is the same problem with Billy Beane that we find with virtually every owner or senior leader: he can’t enjoy the success he has found.  Billy says that if you don’t win the last game of the season, you lost…period.  Despite rewriting the record books, winning the most games with 1/3 the payroll, and basically changing the way baseball teams are constructed, he still feels like a failure.

We see this all the time.

Probably my favorite scene in this incredible movie is one near the end.  Peter Brand shows Billy a video of a minor league player who is overweight and rarely makes it past first base on a hit.  In this instance, he hits it hard and decides to round first and try for second.  But he trips and has to crawl his way back to first base…and everybody is laughing at him.  But after a few moments he understands why they are really laughing. 

He hit a home run and didn’t even realize it.

Business is hard and can be really discouraging at times.  One of the most crucial things we do for our clients (my favorite thing, really) is to remind them of all those home runs they are hitting.

They don’t seem to be able to see.

They are almost blinded to them.

They disproportionately weigh them against the setbacks.

And as a result, their teams never feel celebrated.

Despite the fact that things are hard, there is a lot of glory as well.  The intentional leaders we work with are changing their companies, changing the lives of people, and changing the part of the world they have been given to lead.  There is a lot that still needs to be worked on and changed, but there is a lot to celebrate as well.

Celebrating the homers you are hitting provides the necessary fuel you need for you and your teams to overcome all the rest.

• How aware are you of the things that are going well?
• Do you have anyone who is helping point out and remind you of those things?
• How often is your team running on empty given that your inability to celebrate your successes is depleting their source of fuel?

Time

"Time in itself is really not the problem, but people who use it are. People who excuse their failures by saying, 'I don’t have time,' really are admitting to mismanagement of time… How often we hear, 'I wish I knew how to manage my time better.' Rarely do we hear, 'I wish I new how to manage myself better,' but that’s really what it comes down to."

- Ted W. Engstrom

 

“Time, time, time, is on my side, yes it is." 

- Rolling Stones

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We're more than halfway past the beginning of the new year, when hope seemed to spring eternally.  When we looked at the year ahead, and it felt like we could accomplish almost anything.  But in the chaos of the tyranny of the urgent, even the best laid plans we made feel like distant memories.  Like sets of endless waves crashing on the beach over time, the day to day issues we face in our lives and enterprises, can really begin to wear us down.

HAVE YOU ABANDONED THE RESOLUTIONS and goals that you set at the beginning of the year?

In January, for my daughter's 9th birthday, she wanted to have another family over to share breakfast.  Her preferred menu was donuts, kolaches, orange juice, and chocolate milk.  As I waited for my box of kolaches, I asked the proprietor about how his business was doing.  He said that this was his sixth year and that he’s learned that January will always be a bad month for him and a good month for fitness centers.  He said that business really starts picking back up in February and remains steady throughout the year.

I think we referred to that as a “substitute good” in my economic classes.  When the demand for one thing goes down, the demand for another goes up.  Kolaches and gym memberships are clearly replacement goods.

These past few days, we've been spending time with several business leaders and executives at our Next Generation Leader and Executive Board meetings.  We took some much needed time to assess our current realities; to take an intentional, honest look at how we are doing in our professional, personal, and spiritual domains… returning to the the groundwork we laid at the beginning of the year for group accountability and visibility with the purpose of real growth and change. There is still so much we want to do. So much we want to get better at. Of course, as you might imagine, when we aspire to change, grow, or just get back to our original goals and plans, we struggle with the concept of "having enough time." 

The currency of the Kingdom is abundance.  

We have precisely the right amount of time to accomplish everything the Father intends.  Jesus changed the course of humanity and practically accomplished miraculous things as He walked through His brief life here on earth, but He always had time to do everything the Father intended Him to do.  The rhythm of His life was simple: go spend time with the Father, learn what He wanted Him to do, and go do it.

Tozer says this about time:

“How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none.  Eternal years lie in his heart.  For time does not pass, it remains, and those who are in Christ, share with Him all the riches of limitless time and endless years.  God never hurries.  There are no deadlines against which He must work.  Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves.  For those out of Christ, time is a devouring beast.”

Maybe the antidote for our busyness is not to be more efficient in order to get more done, but to get more still and more quiet, in order to understand more of what He would have us do.

• Take time to revisit the goals you set at the beginning of the year - how are you doing so far? Where did you throw in the towel, and how can you pick it back up?
• How do you feel about the rhythm and pace of your life?
• When is the last time you “went away” to be with the Father?

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Aspire

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”  

- C.S. Lewis

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Ok, so maybe we are half-hearted and are too easily pleased, but we come by it honestly.  Marketers are spending billions to get us to spend our thousands. Tyler Durden in “Fight Club” says:

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy $#*! we don't need.”

Probably the greatest "aha" I have found in becoming a certified Storybrand guide is that the best marketers are trying to sell us an aspirational identity.  Watch an Old Spice, Apple, or even a Viagara advertisement and it is pretty unmistakable.  They are selling the idea that things (well, “us” really) can be different.

Ultimately, they are selling us on a better version of ourselves.  So is Hollywood, by the way.  If they can get us to align our desire to make a difference with what the superhero is doing on the screen, we will buy a ticket.  Interestingly enough, the diversion that some people think they are buying when they go to a movie is something actually far larger.  We may not just be escaping our life for a few hours, but imagining a better version of life altogether.

Christianity is making the same offer, by the way.  There is a different, better, and more true way for you to live.  Things are not as they are supposed to be and neither are you.  More was intended for our lives than we have realized. 

We ARE too easily pleased.

This is where it gets really sticky.  You can offer changed life as a deliverable and the motive will completely dictate whether or not it is selfish or holy.  The little church on the corner and a huckster televangelist are offering a similar Jesus and changed life, but the underlying motive behind each determines everything.

The thing I love most about our work with leaders in our Corporate Coaching, at our Executive Board experience, or in our Group LifePlans, is that we are offering an aspirational identity.  I have spent the better part of the last 15 years trying to convince people that their lives, their marriages, and the companies they lead are intended for something far grander than they have realized.

1. From thorough and thoughtful processes, a clear picture of a better life and a better organizational future emerges.  
2. Conviction comes from the incontrovertible nature of the future we craft together. 
3. And finally, our coaching, processes, and roadmap we offer, give them the courage of their convictions…and the high probability of realization.

THIS IS THE GOLD WE ARE DIGGING FOR IN EVERY COACHING CONVERSATION OR CORPORATE ENGAGEMENT.

If you really want to succeed in business in this very crowded and noisy marketplace, you better be offering an aspirational identity to your prospective customers.  If you are not completely clear on that idea for your company, I can help with that.  Storybrand is changing the way the world markets.  It is a way to help the good guys win.

But what I am most interested in is helping you find your own aspirational identity…the life you were intended to live and the place in the advancing of the Kingdom your company was intended to play.  That is what we do.

Join us on the trail.  The air is thinner and there are far fewer people on this one, but the views are spectacular.  A client recently told us:

“If you had told me ten years ago that running a company could be this much fun, I would never have believed you!”

• Are you living the life you were intended to live?
• Is your business being received by the marketplace the way you desire?
• Are you clear on what aspirational identity your company should be offering?
• Are you clear on the aspirational identity for your own life or your business?  (Check out Lifeplan or our Corporate Coaching.)

Illumination

“God is not the thing that you see, God is the light that allows you to see.  Instead of thinking of God as an illuminated object, think of God as the illumination that brings objects into vision.”  

- Pete Rollins

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If you’ve spent any time in this blog or around me for that matter, you might have picked up on the fact that I really like movies.  Let me restate that:  I love the story of restoration (because it is our intellectual property as believers) and it is found in every great story.  The movie producers, directors, and screenwriters of our day, just happen to be the great storytellers of our time.

Peter Rollins was talking recently about the immensity of God.  How God isn’t just the thing, but the thing that brings meaning and light and perspective to all things.  He also said that we encounter God and his creation like watching a film at a theatre one inch from the screen.  

While I have gotten stuck in the front row when we’ve arrived too late to a new screening, I’ve never watched a movie from quite that close.  

I bet it is hard to figure out what is going on.

 

I bet it is hard to put the small portion in the larger context.

 

I bet it is really easy to misinterpret what you are seeing.

It isn’t that the whole screen isn’t filled up or that there is a whole, complete, and larger story unfolding.  It is just that I would be focusing on such a small fragment, that I would miss the “big picture” of what is really happening.

The analogy is obvious.  There is way more going on around us than we know.  The Kingdom is advancing and a much bigger story is unfolding around us in ways that we can’t possibly see or interpret.  There are some things that will make more sense when we see them in the rearview mirror and even some that won’t be completely clear on this side of eternity.

As coaches, we help illuminate the real issues, bring clarity, and help others craft solutions to get them to a more inspired future.  Usually, as a trained outsider, we can see things way more clearly than our clients can.  Sometimes, because we aren’t one inch from the screen like they are, we can see a whole picture that they aren’t able to see.

Ironically, even though we are very trained and experienced in doing this for others, it can be pretty difficult to do the same thing for ourselves.  We all need someone to help us illuminate and interpret the things we cannot see or are too close to put into proper context.

We are all too close to the screen. 

That is why we need God and need others to help us see what is really going on, interpret what we are seeing, and mark our path forward.

• How close are you to the movie screen?
• Are you allowing God to illuminate the largeness of his creation?
• Are you able to set what you are focused on in the context of the larger story…for your family, for your company, for your life?
• Who is helping guide you forward in the journey?

Hire

"Slow to hire." 

"Quick to Fire."

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Okay, I need a show of hands:

• Who’s heard those two phrases together before?  
• Who’s said those two phases before?
• Who actually does that?

Yeah, that’s what I figured.  I know some folks who are quick to hire and quick to fire, but most of us are very quick to hire and seemingly unable to fire anyone.  Add the challenging ingredient of our Christian faith to that equation, and being slow to hire and quick to fire becomes really, really difficult.  It doesn’t change the fact, however, that it is really, really good advice.

The other interesting phenomena we see with faith-based or high integrity leadership is that they regularly hire out of the need of the other person and not the need of the organization.  Almost as if the only essential ingredients for the hire is that…

They need a job.

We have one to offer.

Despite a well articulated position agreement (job description) of what is required for the available slot, really good hearted leaders often disregard the obvious lack of fit and only see the obvious need for the job in the person.  On one level, you have to love the intentions behind that, but you know what they say about that and the road to hell…

We actually teach that process a different way.  We say:

1.  Slow to hire - Choose the one who seems perfectly qualified, that has gone through a battery of interviews, possible assessment training, and a lot of prayerful discernment.  

2.  Quick to coach - Provide proper training, clarity of their role and expectations, and all the necessary tools, mentoring, and support needed to succeed.

3.  Quicker to fire - Hire with a clear trial period, invest in every way you can to see them succeed, but if they are not a clear and viable fit for your organization’s success, release them to find a place where their skills, abilities, work ethic(!) and attitude (!!!!) will be a better fit.

This is one of the areas we feel is a specialty.  One of the ways we most benefit our clients.  Only hire a person who supports the organizational design, that fulfills your future vision, and is a perfect contractual fit for the clear and powerful position agreement that has been defined.

We often help script the application and interview process, define the on-boarding strategy, and define the cornerstones of the trial period’s success with our clients.  We are even powerfully using the incredible clarity from our StoryBrand Guide certification to help craft job listings to get real results with people that truly align with an organization.

• Be honest:  Are you slow to hire and quick to fire, or the other way around?
• What is it costing you to be mis-hiring and mis-firing so often?
• What steps do you need to take to change that?
• How can we help?

Water

“…but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

- Jesus of Nazareth

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I live in deep south Texas.  It’s pretty dry here.  When we talk about water, it is typically about scarcity, restrictions, and about how that finite and essential asset will one day disappear.  

Whenever Jesus talks about water, he seems to talk about it completely differently.  He uses words like…

Everlasting

Deep

Living

Eternal

Abundant

Satisfying

He is, or course, comparing and differentiating all at the same time.  He is often comparing a vast and seemingly endless supply of water that a deep well seems to supply, but he is also saying that there is a sustenance from the kind he offers that will quench in a far deeper way.  It will sustain you in every way and fill you clear into eternity.  He is saying that this source of water is enough and you don’t need any others.

The folks at EOS define the visionary (entrepreneur) archetype.  They say they are strategic, big thinkers, operate more on emotion, have lots of ideas and even have a sort of corporate ADD.  

They also talk about “integrators." These are the people who execute on those strategic plans created by visionaries.  They implement the necessary things, and also serve as the throttle for all those ideas and often the medicine required to moderate all that ADD.

Most entrepreneurs (visionaries) that I know have an endless supply of projects, new ventures, strategies, and creative ideas they are chasing in their minds.  It is as if they are constantly dropping new wells, hoping to find new sources of water.

The problem is that they often lose focus on the one primary well.  They can get so distracted by all the other ideas and possibilities that they cease to pay attention to the true source of their success.  We often play the role of an outsourced integrator.

We provide them focus.

We remind them of the things that they have to provide attention to.

We tell them “no” when typically no one else in their organization has been permission’d to do so.

We help them optimize and find the success in their core business that allows them the room to venture into new things.

We remind them, like Jesus, that there is often one primary source for water that they need to be drawing from.  There is a core business, a core revenue stream, and a core team that need to be invested in and plumbed deeper.  Success is likely not going to be found in the next business, next idea, or next hire.  

They will likely find everything they are looking for by just digging a little deeper where they already are.

Interestingly enough, for most of the leaders we worked with that identify with Christian ideology, there is a deeper reservoir that Jesus is referencing.  There is truth, knowledge, and direction available that also trumps everything they are hoping to find in the next business book, seminar, and TED talk.  

That is a sort of source we need to dip deeper into as well....before we reach for any others.

• How deep and abundant is the well you are drawing from?
• How distracted are you by new ideas, ventures, or other wells?
• Who is drawing your attention back to the primary source of your vocational and spiritual success?
• Who can tell you “no”?

Delta

Delta:

ˈdeltə/

noun: delta; plural noun: deltas

1. the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet

2.  a code word representing the letter D, used in radio communication.

symbol

symbol: δ; symbol: Δ; symbol: delta

1. variation of a variable or function.

2.  a finite increment.

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My partner is an ex Air Force guy.  When we first started working together, he would use the term “delta” the way it is used in the second set of definitions above.  He used it to describe the difference between where a client is and where they are going to be…from here to there.  I use it all the time now.

I got a super encouraging e-mail from a friend the other day.  Probably more of an inspirational guy that I barely know, but someone I would like to consider a friend.  He was talking about the journeys we are on as men and then said something really kind about himself and me…

“I have so much further to go, but I’m not who I once was.”

As in, I haven’t got it all figured out and I am not perfect, but I’ve come a really long way.

My kids immediately came to mind.  People say really nice things to me about who my kids are and the kind of men/women they are becoming.  I used to respond with a lot of false humility:

“Better to be lucky than good.”

“God has been really merciful with me.”

“Thank God I married a saint.”

“Somehow I didn’t screw it all up.”

Reality was that I didn’t know how to receive a compliment.  The delta between what I believed about myself and what they are implying was very wide.  In that awkward uncomfortableness, I deflected.

But now, when someone says those nice things about my children, I respond the same way every time...

Thank you.

I mean, I made a lot of mistakes and I didn’t have much in the way of experiential history or role models to pull from, but I’ve read a lot, been mentored by many, and I’ve worked really, really hard.  Having kids that are good people is kind of what we are going for as parents.

Thank you.

Turns out, this plays out powerfully in the work I do with leaders.  I was having lunch with a really good man the other day.  Most leaders I know feel very much the way I used to about parenting, but about their leadership.  I finally stopped at several attempts to honor him and what I had seen in his leadership.

I said: “That is the fourth time I tried to honor you and you deflected it every time.  What’s that about?”

He looked at me very surprised.  As if I had seen something deeply hidden that he didn’t know anyone else saw.

He said: “I’ve always wrestled with hearing nice things about myself.”

I told him the story about myself and my parenting.  I honored him a fifth time and this time he simply said, “Thank you.”  He knew that I meant it and his eyes told me that he received it, completely.  He has much further to go, but he is not who he once was.  Neither am I.

My telling him what I saw in him, honored him.

Him receiving it well, honored me.

We both benefited from that transaction.

That is a purchase I am trying to make sure I am involved in every day.  We all need a whole lot more of that.

• How good are you at receiving a compliment?
• What do you think that says about the delta between what you are hearing and what you really believe?
• Are you complimenting and honoring others enough where you get to experience this kind of transaction on a regular basis?  As a leader, you should be.

Sunk

Sunk Cost Bias -

 A group or individual leader remains committed to a given plan primarily due to the investment already made in that plan, regardless of how inefficient and/or ineffective it may have become.

Staying with an idea or concept until it finds success sounds like the reasonable and responsible thing to do.  Willing something to be successful, despite everything being shown to you that is contrary.  Funny, the concept that is likened to “sunk cost bias” is the “gambler’s fallacy"...

Gambler’s fallacy -

The mistaken belief that, if something happens more frequently than normal during some period, it will happen less frequently in the future, or that, if something happens less frequently than normal during some period, it will happen more frequently in the future. 

It is usually accompanied with something like, “Sooner or later my luck has to change," or “If I just keep trying, things will eventually get better.”  It is pretty amusing and sad when a gambler in a movie continues to lose and his chip stack disappears.  Not nearly so funny when it happens in business.  

But I see it happen all the time.

When it happens to me, there are a few reasons I’ve identified for why it does:

• I can’t admit that I am wrong.
• I am too close to it and can’t think about it objectively.
• I think I just haven’t worked hard enough to make it successful.
• I am not open to getting input from others.
• I haven’t sought wise counsel.
• I think it is the right idea at the wrong wrong time...just need to bide my time.
• I am not doing it “with” God.  At best, I am doing it “for” Him.

Economists argue that sunk cost should not be taken into account when making rational prospective decisions.  The classic example is purchasing a ticket to a baseball game that ends up being boring. 

Your two choices are:

1. Continue to watch a boring game for five hours, likely buying expensive and low quality food during the journey.
2. Leaving the game to do something more interesting and fun.

That makes things a little more clear.  I’ve left games early, asked for the check before I got my meal, and even left the theatre during a movie (they usually give us vouchers to come back to another one).  Ironically, however, when it comes to more vital things like people (employees, friends), investments, or business ideas, I can’t seem to practice the same discipline as easily.

Based on my experience now with dozens of businesses, most other leaders seem to have the same problem.  Sometimes the most powerful and financially beneficial thing we help our clients with is just having the “courage of their conviction” to do the thing they already know they should…but just can’t seem to get done on their own.

It’s not always easy to tell the person that no one else tells…

To do the thing they have somehow resisted doing…

Despite all the mounting evidence that tells them they should.

Difficult, but incredibly valuable.  Who is doing that for you?

• Where are you experiencing sunk cost bias?
• How would you know if you were?
• Who have you given the permission to look at the places you are investing time and money, and give you an honest opinion?
• How much is the prospective cost of you weighing “sunk cost bias” in your decision making?

Motivation

“External rewards extinguish intrinsic motivation, diminish performance, crush creativity, crowd out good behavior, encourage cheating, become addictive, and foster short-term thinking.”  

- Dan Pink in Drive

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That isn’t permission, by the way, to cut all incentive plans you have in place for your team.  His point is really about making sure you do all the necessary things that drive intrinsic motivation beyond those external rewards.

RSA Animate created an incredible animation about the concepts in Dan’s book Drive a few years ago.  He makes a pretty compelling argument for external and financial rewards not being of value in terms of motivation.  Music to our ears, right?  You mean, we can stop spending all that money to motivate our teams (or even our kids)?  Those types of motivation still have value, but just way less than a few other things...

Autonomy

Mastery

Purpose

In order to really motivate your teams, there needs to be an element of these three things woven into their vocational lives.  Here is the bad news; this is way more difficult than just giving them more money.  I would liken it to the difference between cutting a check to missionaries and traveling to the third world for an immersion experience among those you are serving.

They need to participate financially in the success they are helping create, but if you want them really invested in that success at an intrinsic level, you’ve got to figure out how to incorporate these three things into their everyday work life.

This is one of the many reasons we are so enthusiastic about the work we do and the process we take all our clients through.  Our client roadmap actually cultivates all of these three things:

Autonomy - Our owner-to-team conversion process and organizational design methodology create ownership and engagement among teams.  They breed all the best elements of autonomy within team members.

Mastery - Our position agreements give employees the roadmap to growing in their understanding and contribution to organizational success.  They know how they are measured, how they can grow, and how they can increase their mastery and value to the organization’s overall success.

Purpose - Bringing a team together to build organizational health and then building collaborative purpose, values, and vision is how we begin every relationship with our clients.  The levels of engagement and momentum that comes out of this experience is truly amazing.

Dan is pretty convicted about the importance of this and the relative ineffectiveness of doing things the old way:

“Most of us believe that the best way to motivate ourselves and others is with external rewards like money—the carrot-and-stick approach. That’s a mistake.”

If you really want teams that are invested, have lots of intrinsic motivation, and operate more as owners than renters, figure out how to work some autonomy, mastery, and purpose into your leadership of them.  It doesn’t excuse the need to allow them to participate financially in their success they help produce, but it will create exponentially more resources to compensate them in every way.

• Do your team members (or children) operate with autonomy that doesn’t require your attention or direction?
• Are they finding mastery…getting better at the things they are doing?
• Would you say that there is a transcendent purpose they feel in what they are doing?
• What is the next step you need to take to start weaving these incredibly valuable motivations into your organization?

Imperfection

Damascus Steel - 

noun

1.  Hand-wrought steel, made in various Asian countries, from parts of a bloom of heterogeneous composition, repeatedly folded over and welded and finally etched to reveal the resulting grain: used especially for sword blades.

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I used to only give the typical church response when men asked me how things were going.

“Fine.  Everything is going great!”

I, of course, was lying.  I didn’t consciously think about lying every time I was asked, I had just been conditioned to not share how bad things really were.  I came by it honestly.

• It wasn’t really socially acceptable to share your pain.
• Our Western culture isn’t really interested in things not being great.
• Everybody else is pretty busy and dealing with their own junk.

I remember being at a men’s event about 15 years ago where the speaker told us that when you meet a person, what you really meet is an elaborate fig leaf.  A well crafted facade that keeps you from seeing the real person inside.  It became pretty clear to me that….

I was lying, but so was everybody else.

When we talk to folks at the “boot camps” I help lead and they are a little incredulous about the fact that life isn’t perfect or that their childhood wasn’t as idyllic as their recollections, we tell them…

1. They grew up in a place far from Eden.
2. They grew up with parents far different than Jesus.

Things may not be terrible, but they are not as they should be.

Things may not have been terrible, but they weren’t as they should have been.  

We are all marked in some way by the experience of this life and so is everybody else.  And we carry a longing for restoration.  A desire for things as they were intended to be and one day will be again.  The Revelations tell of a time where old things will pass away, tears will be wiped from our eyes, there will be no more pain or suffering, and all things will be restored.

A few year’s ago, a bunch of us were passing around a short Neeman Tools mini-documentary.  It was the one where they are making a short knife from Damascus Steel.  It was mesmerizing.  So captivating, in fact, that the then $225 knife, accompanied by this powerful video, now retails for $1,950.  Interestingly, it was the weathering process, the repeated hammering, the folding over, and beautiful imperfection of the steel, that made it so beautiful…and so valuable.

I was at a men’s event in Colorado recently which was being facilitated by some real sages of the Kingdom.  Good kings that had earned the right to be heard.  They weren’t shiny and perfect.  They were comfortable with their imperfections and their fractured journeys.  In fact, they were actually being celebrated for the currency of their redeemed pain.  Because they had lost and learned, because their lives had been folded over, hammered again and again, they were more powerful…more valuable.

They spoke openly about their failure.  They humbly, but boldly offered their powerful stories of their redemption.  They noted that things weren’t perfect and had been pretty rough, but that they had learned by their stripes and were becoming healed.

Whenever I encountered one of them in a conversation over a meal or around the fire, I fought the same impulse: I wanted to take off my shoes and sit at their feet.  To learn, to bask really, in the power of their redeemed pain.  I want more of that in more of me.  It is the fuel for the journey toward my further restoration and the restoration I desire to help bring to everyone I love and lead.  What could be more valuable than that?

• How are things going for you?  No, really... how are things going for you?
• Are you aware of how different things have been than they should have been?
• Do you know that the whole point of this Christianity thing is restoration?  And not just the journey from sinful to saved, but the journey from broken to healed.  Not later on…right here and right now.
• Can you look back at the weathering pain of your story and the redemption of that pain, and see it as currency?  As your greatest treasure?

Gray

“The most important thing about a man is not what he does, it is who he becomes.” 

Dallas Willard

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I was at a gathering of leaders recently.  It was a faith based weekend and there were about 75 of us there.  About a third of those were in a “facilitator” role and the rest were attendees.  As we were preparing for the weekend, they encouraged both constituencies not to talk about their vocations all weekend.  They wanted our identities for the four days to be completely based on the journey we had taken and the we had become.

It was wildly disruptive…for me, and for everybody else.

I would have told you that my identity transcends my vocation.  That what I do is far less definitional for me than the story I have lived, the restoration I have found, or the man that I have become.  Nonetheless, it was pretty disorienting.  

But after a while, it felt…like a rescue.

Walter Mitty’s entire identity is his job.  He is a negative assets manager for Life magazine.  In other words, he is the guy behind a lot of the great photographic imagery for which the magazine was known.  But he has a new category that he wants to also define his life.  He would like to be the romantic interest of his co-worker, Cheryl Melhoff.

He puts together an online profile and calls the dating service because he is having problems leaving a “wink” to indicate his interest in Cheryl.  Todd Maher, the rep assigned on his account, becomes a little incredulous as he tries to help Walter “beef” up his profile in order to catch Cheryl’s eye.  

Turns out…

Walter hasn’t done anything “noteworthy or mentionable," 

or been anywhere “noteworthy or mentionable.”

As you know from the movie (Wait, you haven’t seen this movie?  Fix that!), he makes a few small decisions that sweep him into a much larger adventure and story.  Through that process, he becomes a new man.

One of the movie’s final scenes has Walter and Todd Maher actually meeting in the Los Angeles airport.  Todd says, having known Walter only via phone…

“You are so not how I pictured you…I pictured you as a little gray piece of paper.  But now I see you...and it's like Indiana Jones...decided to become the lead singer of The Strokes or something like that.”

The man he encountered several weeks before has become a completely different man.  The most important thing about him is no longer what he does, but the man he is becoming.

Our lives are completely shaped by the questions we are asking and the decisions we are making as a result.  The kind of men and women we become have huge implications for those we love and those we lead.

• What kind of questions are you asking:  Do I have enough for a good retirement?  How am I uniquely created to make the world a better place?  Why do I exist?
• Is there anything noteworthy or mentionable about your life?
• Would others describe you as a little gray piece of paper or something far grander?
• Are you partnering with your Father to find out who He intends you to become?

Northmen

Northman - 

[nawrth-muh n]

noun, plural Northmen.

1.  one of the ancient Scandinavians, especially a member of the group that from about the 8th to the 11th century made many raids and established settlements in Great Britain, Ireland, many parts of continental Europe, and probably in parts of North America.

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It has been pretty interesting to watch.  My son is working with a master craftsman a couple of generations older.  They do timber frame construction and in their down time create furniture and other household items.  And they do it almost exclusively using the typically destroyed trees that have suffered from “oak wilt."

As they work, they tell stories of restoration.  What was previously discarded is being refined into beautiful and strong things.  They use ancient tools and put a high premium on craftsmanship.  There is obviously a lot of demand for the kind of work that they beautifully do through their collaborative OAKWRITES.  But there is something even more interesting that I’ve noticed.

Men from my son’s generation are powerfully drawn to the craftsman nature of the work.  The use of their hands.  The ancient tools and ancient ways.  Rather than rejecting those ways as old fashioned or inefficient, they are really attractive.  I’ve even seen some of them, posting on social media, that they would love to take a day off from their more traditional jobs and just come work alongside them.

Something powerful is being stirred here.

Interestingly enough, most of the many contracting businesses we work with are struggling to find craftsman.  There just don’t seem to be people interested in hard physical work in the old ways.  Given what I am seeing among this young tribe, we’re just not doing a very good job of connecting the dots.

Neeman tools, that I have written about here recently and in the past, have changed their name to Northmen: Guild of Northern Master Craftsmen.

Do yourself a favor and experience the Northmen code. Watch this short video with me and tell me what comes up for you.  Below is the code as it is presented in the video, but take 2-3 minutes and watch the video.

We’re living in isolation.  Disconnected from one another and the traditions and ways of our elders.  But doing things in the old ways with the old values are no longer being seen as old fashioned.  What was old is becoming new again.  And given the trends we are experiencing in work ethic, rejection of traditional morays/values, and the abandoning or our spiritual roots…it couldn’t be happening at a better time.

• Watch the video above.  Read through the phrases in the accompanying chart.
• What does that bring to mind?
• What longing does it stir in you?
• How should your life and leadership look different as a result?

Bus

"Everyone arrives somewhere, but very few people arrive somewhere on purpose." 

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I am not sure why it is a bus, but it is always a bus.  I mean, they could be hit by a train, or a car, or something else.   And there are a lot of other ways to die.  In Groundhog Day alone, Bill Murray tried to kill himself by jumping off a building, driving off a cliff, stepping in front of a truck, and taking a bath with a toaster.

But whenever leaders talk about the key person on their team (and sometimes it is them) that would end the team if their life somehow ended, it is almost always by being hit by a bus.

This is, of course, a pretty strong hypothetical, but it makes the point well…

Small businesses are people and not position driven.

They are people and not process driven.

They exist largely inside of one or a few leaders.

They are not sustainable beyond those leaders.

That’s a serious problem.

In the next decade or so, baby boomers will transition 12 million businesses to other holders in this country alone.  Many of them will fail in the next generation of ownership.  And it doesn’t really matter if you are…

• selling it outright
• handing off to the next generation in a family (those stats are horrible!)
• or going through an owner to team conversion

There are a few things that must happen in order for this to be a successful transition to other owners:

• team - create a leadership team of key individuals that represent all corners and facets of the organization
• values/purpose - those underlying things that anchored the business and made it what it is have to be articulated, shared, & celebrated…and transition to the next owners
• vision - there needs to be a clear picture of where an organization is headed, regardless of future ownership
• strategic plan - what are the key things we need to solve that are keeping us from our intended future
• organizational design - what does "right" look like from an organizational standpoint
• position agreements - positions, not individuals, are the path to sustainability - an agreed set of results, standards, and clear expectations for every team member
• operations manuals - clearly documenting what each position does and how they do it

We’re honored to be helping dozens of business owners walk this “roadmap” to a more sustainable future.  And it doesn’t matter if they are selling, transitioning it to the next generation, or handing it over to a leadership team to run, they all need to walk the same journey.  They all need the same key things in place to make that happen successfully.

We take this work pretty seriously.  The high integrity leaders we work with deserve to have the businesses they founded and worked so hard to sustain, continue.  We’re pretty passionate about this work.  We actually consider it a calling.

And it is starting to look like a whole generation of business ownership hangs in the balance.

• Are you hoping to sell your business, transition it to the next generation, or hand it over to a team to lead?
• How much of the required things noted above do you have clarified and operational?
• What is the timing for your exit? (the line for people wanting to transition their business is getting pretty long!)

Kingly

“I am aware that I am surrounded by people who feel that they could do the job better.  Strong people with powerful characters but, for better or worse, the crown has landed on my head.”  

-QUEEN ELIZABETH from “Crown”

I wrote about this quote and the Netflix original series a few months ago, but it is something I find myself continually referencing.  It was on my mind when I wrote about balancing empathy and authority as a leader a few weeks ago as well.

Too much empathy and a situation called "artificial harmony" occurs.  Where everyone is nice and forgiving, but there is no accountability and nothing ever seems to get done.

Too much authority without any empathy and a "mean spirited attacks" environment becomes the prevailing culture.  Stuff gets done, but out of fear and control.  It tends to wear people out and minimize individual contribution as they submit deeper to the rule and interests of a few autocratic leaders.

That quote was also on my mind as I spent a recent weekend with a couple of dozen shiny and silver headed kings (men in their 50’s & 60’s mainly) in the mountains of Colorado.  We were there to “father” and mentor a few dozen warriors (30’s mostly) becoming young kings in the Kingdom.

Their gifting, potential, and good hearts were apparent for all to see.  In fact, for some, their incredible ability and potential had made them kings far earlier than they were ready to assume those crowns.  Some were not bearing the weight so well.  The consequences in their marriages, parenting, and in pretty much every other way, were revealing themselves as well.

But they were extraordinary and were committing to learning to wield their abilities and strength.  They dug in for four days of excavation of their hearts, souls, and minds…and committed to a decade more of the same.  As I look across the landscape of this country (in my mind’s eye), I am imagining little campfires where these young men reside: Atlanta, Omaha, Seattle, and many points in between.

Little outposts of the Kingdom where a fire has been lit and will be stoked into a raging one over the next decade.  Campfires that will stay within their stone boundaries until their appointed time.  When the flames begin to lap over the side and warm everything around them.  Where the fire is contained until it becomes impossible for it not to take a larger stage.

It was an honor to see these young men take a lower seat.  It was humbling to see them honor the voices of experience around them.  The nobility and responsibility of my life is rising.  

For the next generation of leaders in my life, the crown has landed upon my head.  It is an appointment I humbly and anxiously assume.  I pray you do the same.

• Are you covered with the battle scars that are the source of real wisdom?
• Are you aware of the both the privileges and responsibilities of your leadership?
• Are you really ready to assume the full weight of the crown that has landed on your head as a leader?
• Do you have the margin of time, energy, and resources it takes to really lead others well?

Affection

“If we don’t receive a revelation of the Father’s affection, we won’t know how to properly interpret discipline.”

- Morgan Snyder 

I used to be jealous of some of my friends when we were early in our careers.  They all had jobs where they traveled a lot and earned points to take their families on extended vacations at virtually no cost.  We weren’t able to do that.

A decade or so into my career, I had a job for 2 years in Chicago that required a lot of travel.  Turned out that in order for me to earn the right to some nice free vacation travel for me and my family, I pretty much had to travel all of the time.  It wasn’t that there was no cost for my friend's nice vacations, it was a cost I decided I could not afford.

For the rest of my career, I traveled far less, but I noticed something interesting when I did travel.  Being away, for even a few days, affected the way I disciplined my children.  I couldn’t just walk back into the house, having been away for a while, and play the authority figure I typically played with them.

It was as if there was a bank of attention and affection I had to build back up with them before disciplining them felt appropriate.  Almost like they needed to know how deeply I loved them before we could address the things they were doing that made me disappointed.

Young Life calls it “earning the right to be heard."  If you invest in others relationally and thoughtfully, show a high degree of care, you earn the right to tell them anything.  Even the hardest and truest things.

Many of us grew up with hard, distant, or unaffectionate fathers who didn’t know how to show us their love, but still needed to apply discipline when warranted.  It is confusing and hard to receive discipline when it is not accompanied by love and affection.  The same thing can happen with our true Father.

When we focus only on His justice or assumed disappointment in the things we do without receiving a revelation of His affection as well, we misinterpret the discipline.  He feels like an autocratic authoritarian who isn’t doing things out of love for us, but simply out of retribution…or maybe even cruelty.

As parents or leaders, we need to make sure that those under our care are receiving enough of a revelation of our affection, love, and support of them, that we feel really comfortable saying the things we have to say…

…and desire for them to hear and receive well.

• Do you affirm, encourage, and care well for those you’ve been entrusted to lead?
• Are they receiving enough of a revelation of your affection that they can receive your discipline well?
• What needs to change in the way you are offering support and encouragement of those you lead (employees, children, etc.) so that they can also receive well the discipline your leadership requires you to offer?