Listen
Today’s blog post is written by one of the coaches on our team named Lindsay. You often hear my perspective on life and leadership, but I thought it might be beneficial for you (as it’s been for me) to hear from others on our team from time to time as well. Enjoy!
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
- James
I was in Seattle last year for coach training, and we were paired up with another trainee for a short exercise. The instructions were just to listen to the other person talk about a particular issue and ask curious questions for 20 minutes. That’s it. No fixing, no offering advice, just listening and asking questions when appropriate.
I was matched up with a guy from Germany. He was an older man with a thick, slow accent. When our time began, he told me all about the several companies he was managing, how tired he was, all the plates he was juggling, even some of his fears.
When the time was up, I honestly felt like I had failed the guy. I mean, I did what the trainers asked me to do — but it felt weak not to “offer” him anything in the process. There were so many things I wanted to say! So much advice to give! And, all I did was listen. It felt powerless and incredibly counterintuitive. Like I was leaving the guy in the water to drown without a life preserver that I EASILY could’ve tossed his way.
But when we were debriefing the exercise with the group, do you know what he said? In his choppy, German accent - he rested on every word:
“I’d forgotten how good it feels - just to be listened to.”
Of course! The listening is where the powerful connection happens. It’s how we ask good questions. It’s how we understand others. It’s how we let people know that we see them, and we aren’t just listening in order to fix them or give them solutions; we are listening because we genuinely want to hear what they have to say, how they think, and what they feel.
The only thing that James says to be quick about is to “listen.” It is also the most challenging, especially when confronted with conflict.
But if you want to love your people well, you might need to take a break from trying to fix them and take a few minutes just to listen instead.
No agenda. No airing your opinions. Just listen. Slow down your talk and open up your ears. Keep it up, and it could very well change the dynamics of your most meaningful relationships.
Consider:
Who would you consider a good listener in your life, and what makes them so?
Are you a good listener? What are some things you could do (or stop doing) to improve your listening skills?
Who do you need to slow down and really listen to?